Don’t lie to me. You’ve seen The Beastmaster. You grew up in an era of video stores and you had to rent everything fantasy related to scratch your D&D itch. I know you did.

Conan the Destroyer. The Archer and the Sorceress. Red Sonja. Krull. The Barbarians. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen at least one of these.

But did you know The Beastmaster, one of the worst movies of the lot, had not one sequel, but two? I’ve watched Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time last night, and it’s a real gem.

Dar and his animal circus travel to a paralell universe called ‘L.A.’ to stop the sorcerer lord Arklon from stealing a ‘neutron detonator’ and conquer the world.

It’s all just as bad as this suggests: TV-level special effects, buddy cops, just about zero sets apart from streets and desert locations, inconsistencies aplenty, car chases, leather loincloths and bloodless swordfights. A must see, I’m telling you.

Bonus, while looking for English titles, I’ve found this list of 80s and 90s sword & sorcery flicks. I might hunt them down, because you know, D&D itch.

Edit: I’ve seen Beastmaster 3 since then (also on YouTube), and I’d advise you to give it a miss unless you’re drunk and in good company.

(via cervelle.org)